Chicago Heals All Wounds
by Costume Maker's Apprentice
Summary: Turns out things aren't going all great in the McKinely kids' love lives. Kurt, Luka, Quinn, Mercedes, Tina, and Brittany lament their issues in the only way Glee kids can: Through song. Set in the When Life Gives You Lemons verse, slightly AU.


**AN: For AngelOfVengeance8. Amazing idea and I am now in love with this song!**

**Pairings: SamxEmily, FinnxRachel, SamxKurt, LukaxFinn, QuinnxPuck, TinaxArtie, MercedesxMarius, BrittanyxMike. Bashing of all males mentioned (except Kurt) and Emily and Rachel.**

_**Bold Italics- **_**All**

_Italics- _**Kurt**

**Bold Underlined- **Kurt, Luka and Quinn

_Italics Underlined-_** Tina, Merecedes and Brittany**

**Enjoy!**

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Kurt stormed into the choir room, his only safe haven. He was too angry to cry. How could Sam do this to him? Yes, Kurt knew he was bi, but really? He couldn't have the decency to break things off with Kurt before shoving his tongue down Emily Brighton's throat? Oh, how Kurt wished he'd have known sooner. How longer were things going on between those two? Could he have stopped things with Sam before he had gotten in too deep with that lying, kniving, cheater?

Kurt broke from his thoughts as Tina burst through the doors. "I hate Artie!" she cried. Kurt didn't even have time to question his friend's statement before one of his other best friends walked in. And another. And another. And two more after that, each girl screeching about vile actions of their boyfriends.

"Finn's with Rachel! He has been for six months! I wasn't even at this school six months ago! I didn't even live in this freakin' STATE!" Luka cried.

"Think that's bad? My own boyfriend would't put down the Wii controler to go pick me up after my car broke down! I was stranded here for FOUR HOURS after school the other day! Four hours!" Quinn screamed.

"Artie's so sure I've got some secret boyfriend!" Tina yelled.

"Girl, Marius swears I'm cheating on him! I say I'm working with Matt on a science project and he thinks we're screwing each other!" Mercedes bellowed.

"Mike's dating half of the new freshman Cheerio recruits!" Brittany exclaimed.

The six teens looked at each other, sympathy taking place of the fire in their eyes. "Look at us, we're pathetic." Quinn stated. The others chuckled weakly.

"You know, there's a song that fits this situation perfectly, if we modify a few words, that is." Kurt remarked. He chuckled bitterly. "After all, _Chicago_ usually makes me feel better."

Quinn seemed to catch on to what song the countertenor was eluding to first. "Tap." she said.

Luka knew the next line. "Six."

"Cut." Mercedes added.

"Uh uh." Tina spoke.

"Bleachers." Kurt spat.

"Chang." Brittany uttered.

_**"He had it coming. He had it coming.**_

_**He only had himself to blame.**_

_**If you'd have been there, if you'd seen it."**_

_"I betcha you would have done the same!" _Kurt sang, before turning to Quinn. She knew that was her cue to tell her story.

"So, Puck just got the new version of the old Super Mario Bros. for the Wii. He's obbsessed, it's all he talks about! I go over to his house, but his idea of hanging out is us sitting there in silence as he plays. All I ever hear is that annoying tap-tap-tapping of the buttons. I am sick of it. Sometimes I just wanna...wanna wrap the cord around his neck!" she exclaimed. Kurt and the girls tried to comfort her.

_**"He had it coming. He had it coming.**_

_**He only had himself to blame.**_

_**If you'd have been there, if you'd seen it, I betcha you would have done the same!"**_

"You know, Finn told me he was single when we met." Luka began. "And we really hit it off. We liked all the same movies, we both played basketball. It seemed like a perfect match to me. We sunk into what I call the Domestic-Couple phase. Every Friday, he'd come over, I'd make us popcorn, and we'd pop in a movie. That is, until I found out that he's been having sex with Rachel every Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Sunday for the past six months! Seriously, one day, I'm gonna spinkle rat poison in his popcorn instead of salt!"

The others laughed.

_**"He had it coming! He had it coming!**_

_**He took a flower in it's prime.**_

_**And then he used it, and he abused it.**_

_**It would be murder, but not a crime!"**_

"Marius is super jealous. He called me a whore when I told him I was at Matt's working on a project. He calls me a whore alot lately, ya know. I know I use this threat alot, but one more word outta his mouth about me supposedly sleeping with Matt, and I **will** cut that jerk Marius. Into little, tiny pieces." Mercedes vented.

_**"If you'd have been there, if you'd seen it, I betcha you would have done the same!"**_

All eyes turned to a teary-eyed Tina. "Artie hit me." she confessed. Everyone gasped. _Artie? No, not possible, _they thought. Tina continued. "H-he swears I'm seeing someone else. H-he thinks it's Ryland Walker, tha-that new guy in our Spanish class. I kept saying "Uh-uh, Artie, th-there's no one else. I only love you. H-he didn't listen. He told me, "If you gonna act like a s-slut, Tee, I-I'm gonna tre-treat you like one."" The others were pissed now.

Kurt voiced his issues next. "I saw Sam making out with Emily." The girls gasped again. "I just went to go get my Cheerios uniform from the locker room. I leave the two of them there in the bleachers and when I get back, there they are, playing tonsil hockey. I almost raged all over that country skank's face."

_"They had it coming!"_

_**"They had it coming!"**_

_"They had it coming!"_

_**"They had it coming!"**_

_"They had it coming all along."_

_**"They had it coming all along."**_

_"I didn't do it."_

_**"She didn't do it."**_

_"But if I'd done it,"_

_**"But if she'd done it,"**_

_"How could you tell me that I was wrong?"_

_"They had it coming!"_

_**"They had it coming!"**_

_"They had it coming!"_

_**"They had it coming!"**_

_"They had it coming all along."_

_**They took a flower in it's prime."**_

_"I didn't do it."_

_**"And then they used it,"**_

_"But if I'd done it,"_

_**"And then abused it."**_

_"How could you tell me that I was wrong?"_

Brittany was the last to tell her tale. "Mike thinks that just cause I don't think like everyone else does, it means I'm stupid. So, I guess he thought that by saying he was a "free spirit", it meant I'd let him do whatever the hell he wanted. Well, it worked for a while. Until I heard Becca Lewis, Parker Suarez, Taylor Beckett, and Johanna Todd- ya know, some of the freshman Cheerios?- talking about their different hook-ups with 'Chang the Bang'." The group hissed and winced as if they had been the ones in Brittany's shoes. "Free spirit? I'd let his spirit go, alright. But I'm pretty sure, if I did let his spirit out, it'd all be downhill from there." Brittany smirked, pointing toward the ground, implying that Mike would end up swimming in a lava river with Satan should the blond ever hear more tales about Chang the Bang. Her friends laughed again.

_**"The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.**_

_**"The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum."**_

They split into two groups, then. Kurt, Luka and Quinn, and Tina, Mercedes and Brittany.

**"****They had it coming."**

_"__They had it coming."_

**"They had it coming."**

_"__They had it coming."_

**"They had it coming all along."**

**"They had it coming all along."**

**"Cause if they used us,"**

_"Cause if they used us,"_

**"And they abused us,"**

_"And they abused us,"_

**"How could you tell us that we were wrong?"**

_"How could you tell us that we were wrong?"_

They two groups became one again as the finished the song.

_**"He had it coming. He had it coming.**_

_**He only had himself to blame.**_

_**If you'd have been there, if you'd seen it, I betcha you would have done the same!"**_

They went around, Quinn to Luka to Mercedes to Tina to Kurt to Brittany, each uttering one final word.

"Tap."

"Six."

"Cut"

"Uh-uh"

"Bleachers."

"Chang."

The bell rang. Brittany, back to her ditzy self, turned to Kurt and Tina with a smile. "Wanna walk to History with me, guys?" she asked.

"We'd be happy to, Britt." Kurt answered with a smile of his own and the trio-arms linked, of course- left the room.

Quinn turned to Luka. "Walk you to math?" she asked her best friend.

Luka beamed. "Sure. Coming Mercedes?" the mezzo-soprano asked.

Mercedes beamed. "Duh." The girls left for class, bad thoughts forgotten for the moment.

Who knew singing _Chicago_ songs really could solve anything?

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**AN: Liked? Hated? Let me know!**


End file.
